http://therobotmommy.com/youve-given-gift-looks-like-naughtiness/

Posted by on July 4, 2014

So? I’m not crazy, right?

My friend Kim laughed as I held up the object in question in front of me during our Skype session.

That clinched it. I’m not crazy.

To start my story properly, I must go back a few days to when my mom was visiting. She has magical powers over me. While she is present, I end up cleaning, baking, cleaning some more and purging the house of excessive crap. This visit was no exception and after a day of washing more laundry than the Beverly Hills Hotel, my feet were screaming…screaming. I could say that I need to wear better shoes or shoes in general around the house but it’s not going to happen. My toes need to be free. I’m a card carrying member of the barefoot club.

But due of my pig-headedness about wearing shoes while doing chores, my tootsies needed some love. I grabbed my biggest bowl, added hot water and bubbles and got ready to sit down and soak the screams away.

 

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….aaaaaaaaaaaaaah. Bliss….

All the pain from running around cleaning and laundering was whisked away. I vowed to set up my “spa” on a daily basis. It may be slapdash but it did its job.
During the week of being Cinderella and “spa-ing”, a family member, who will remain nameless, gifted me this:

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Bath salts, body scrub, lotio…. Hold on a tick…
WHAT THE F*CK?!?

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This. This object which completes the bag of goodies. The wooden ridgey thing. I know what it is. It’s not about that. It’s what it looks like. Or better yet, what it could be used for. Call me immature. Call me what you will. That thing was given to me, although naively, by A FAMILY MEMBER!! I didn’t notice it until I took all the items out of the bag they came in. I held it up and thought….hmmm….blog post.

There was a reason this piece of “equipment” was now in my hands. Did the giver intend to give the intended some lavender bath salts to go with some Kama Sutra book and FORGOT the book??
Does that sound weird and creepy?!?

It is creepy. It’s bizarre. It may be a foot rolling massager in reality but it’s a freaking sex toy in the mind of the brave and adventurous. Not that I am either. *clearing throat*

Of course, I didn’t say anything. I probably will though. I can imagine the reaction….

Laughter. Tons of laughter.

I can tell this story at campfires (after s’mores) and Fourth of July gatherings…like tomorrow. The gift giving family member must be present, of course. My children, however, will not.

I can start out with….My foot soaks have always missed that something….special….

 

t.r.m.

 

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Comments

  1. Faerie Barista
    July 4, 2014

    Bwahahahahaha

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