We all need a laugh this holiday. This excerpt from the new book Mom For the Holidays gives us hope that our holiday can be salvaged too if things go astray.
Thank you, Sarah, for sharing your story!
The First Week of Christmas Spirit: a guest post by Sarah Hosseini
Decking the halls this holiday season has been a freakin’ crappy show, and my expectations for the ideal Christmas-decorating night have been dashed. Insert record scratch sound effect here.
First, we bought our nine-foot Christmas tree the day after Thanksgiving (in 70-degree sunshiny weather), and after we got it home, it didn’t fit in the tree stand.
We tried to shave the trunk down with a hand saw, but then wood chips started flying, and our two kids ran around the living room with branches in their hands as if they were magic wands, about to poke each other’s eyeballs out.
We decided we needed a bigger tree stand.
Okay, no big deal. I returned to the place where I bought the too-small stand to buy a new one.
They had run out.
The lady told me to come back at 8 a.m. the next day, and they’d have the stands.
Still staying in the Christmas spirit, I hopped down to Lowe’s to buy a new stand—they had one. Phew.
But, unfortunately, it was late when I returned home with the tree stand, and the kids were asleep.
I didn’t want to wake them—so the tree sat in its too-small stand, leaned up against the wall.
I think I actually prayed that night. “Please God, do not let the tree fall, set off the alarm, and wake the kids.”
The next day, it was time for the tree lights. We bought the big-bulb, colored ones this year. (I’m usually a classic-white-lights kinda girl—but I’m over them this year. Boring.)
We strung them all up—it was 30 seconds of beautiful, multi-colored glow—and then, BLACK. The whole tree went black.
After some trial and error we believed the bottom strand was faulty. I told my husband to go back to Lowe’s to exchange the defective lights.
He came back with new lights. We repeated the same routine . . . 30 more seconds of glow. Then black.
(Okay—was it possible that two strands were faulty?)
My husband returned to Lowe’s and came back with another set of lights—we followed the same routine, and the lights stayed lit. We put on some music, broke out the ornaments, and started decorating. And then, about five minutes into it, BLACK—and not just the tree: the whole freakin’ room blacked out.
Clearly, it was electrical overload on my old house.
FINALLY, we figured out how to ease up on the electrical situation, and we were back in business. The third time—everything stayed lit.
We resumed decorating, except my kids were playing with the ornaments and, in some cases, royally messing them up. Some of them were 30-plus years old, and the kids were wrecking them, and throwing them. Santa’s foot fell off and his long white beard was pulled up over his eyes. My husband was fuming. I was buzzed (thank you, two glasses of wine in 20 minutes), and I laughed. Then I handed my husband a beer. The tree eventually got decorated—although I think we should’ve just done it ourselves while the kids were asleep; at least Santa would still have two legs.
“The First Week of Christmas Spirit” is an excerpt from the new anthology Mom for the Holidays: Stories of Love, Laughter, and Tantrums at Christmas and Hanukkah.
Visit them at momfortheholidays.com! You couldn’t ask for a better gift to a fellow mom! (Want the UNCENSORED VERSION? It’s available on Kindle here!)
Sarah Hosseini: Sarah is an introverted urbanite, temporarily hiding out in the suburbs, wondering, with a glass of wine in hand, where is everybody? (But secretly, she hopes no one comes out of their house to talk to her.) She lives in Atlanta-ish with her two girls and husband. Sarah writes profanity laced musings on her blog. (www.sarahhosseini.com)
Photo credit: Photomatt28 via Foter.com / CC BY-NC-ND
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