I need to vent..
I mean, I’m kinda venting already.
I don’t think I’m a greedy person but I like nice things. You know from past holidays that I’m kind of a gamer if by gamer means hours of Mario Bros.
Thanks for adding to my addiction, by the way.
I was the kid that wanted “want”, not “need”. Don’t give me socks or pjs. Please oh please oh please NO!
I, of course, would smile about the socks I got and the cute jacket that was not a new toy.
Sigh…. Times, they have changed.
I need underwear this year, Santa.
Not just any type of underwear though .
The “nice” (or naughty) kind.
Let me explain….
I have those ugly cotton granny-panties. You know, the if-they-get-messed-up-once-a-month-because-my-hygiene-products-have-failed-me-again ones?? I gots those by the pile load.
It’s the “other” type that I don’t have or can’t seem to keep…somehow.
They have all become religious.
They’ve all got holes in the crotch area. All. Of. Them.
Nothing happens to my old necessary panties.
Just the cute ones. The not t-backs or crazy lace in the crack ones. The pretty not granny style ones.
The ones I want to wear everyday but can’t because:
I’m not sure if it’s the material that can’t withstand the awesomeness of my vaggie or if I’m not cleaning them gentle enough (like maybe using q-tips and unicorn tears) I’m not sure what the reason. I could be an underwear yanker during REM sleep.
I’m too old to go commando. That plumbing area has issues after I birthed my babies. Don’t be close by when I sneeze. Just sayin’
I’ve had to resort to using my destroyed and cut up chonies for other purposes…I’ve created marketing names for them in case I get desperate enough to sell the suckers.
The Olivia Newton.
The Emergency Room.
Santa, I’m sad. Can you see this dilemma I have? Obviously, it is a very strong need I desire this year. I hate wearing those wide full coverage parachutes that make butt feel saggier than usual. I’m a pretty lady. I want to feel like Maria underneath it all too.
Please Santa, I beg of you. If I can’t rely on you to cover my ass and pretty bits this winter in “fabulous”, who else can I rely on?
Thank you and I promise to leave out those “spiked rum cookies without the cookies” you like so much this year.
With love and a chilly vulva,
Blogger’s Note: Yes, I just wrote a story about my undies that included pictures. If I’m gonna tell a story like this on the internet now-a-days, it’s probably best to have some photographic proof.