The ABC’s of Us Getting to School in the Morning

Alright, let’s get out of bed! 

Breakfast is ready, let’s go. 

Cookies are not breakfast. 

Don’t even think about opening that cookie jar!

Every morning you ask me where your shoes are. Every stinking morning. 

Front door, your shoes are at the front door. 

Go brush your teeth. No, you didn’t do it. I can smell brimstone in your mouth. 

Hair brush is where? How’d it get in the toilet?

…I can’t even believe you guys right now…

Just get your shoes on!

Kittens are adorable, yes, but we don’t have time to watch cat videos right this minute.

Listen to me!! We have three minutes!!

Maybe if you go to bed when we say to…

No, you can NOT bring your new NERF gun to school. 

Of course, I’ll walk you to the line up area. 

People are not going to care if your hair is sticking up in the back!


REALLY, you have to go to the bathroom now?!?

Saying “I’m sorry” and meaning it are two different things. 

Tell me that you’ll listen in class and not get into trouble for talking too much again. 

Unfortunately, I don’t have the cash to take you guys to Target after school today. 

Very soon. We’ll go to Disneyland again very soon. 

Why are you walking without your backpack?!? Hurry!! Run back to the car!!

Xavier is saying “Hi” to you. Can you respond to him, please? 

Yes, I will miss you very much while you are in school. 

*Zealously runs back to the car to go stop for my reward at Starbucks* 

Hey…did I mention that I updated and upgraded the robot mommy app?!? Well, I did. It’s free and you can get all the latest posts without checking Facebook every ten minutes. Cmon, you know you do it. 

Download it at iTunes HERE

I Might Be Bringing My Work Home With Me. 

It has been a long road of resume distribution and interview calendaring. I’ve been emotionally spent trying to figure out what I was going to do (outside of blogging) and it’s hard to drown your sorrows when your alcohol budget is $5. But by the grace of whichever deity grants employment, I snagged a job this month and damn, I’m freaking grateful!! So grateful, in fact, that I’m acting as though I’m on the job when I’m at home. 

Now, my position isn’t one of paper working or computer tasking that can be brought home and worked on. What I do requires a radio, learning codes and a phone to call in emergency vehicles. 

I dispatch for the city Park Rangers. Kinda like the 911 dispatch that you use for your town but on a much smaller scale. And yes, it’s really challenging and awesome. ????

Since I’ve only started my position a few weeks ago and I’m still in training, my head is constantly in work mode. 

Kids!! What’s your 10-20? 

Boy: Our what?! 

Me: Your location. Where are you? 

Girl: I’m pooping. 

Me: So, Hallie is in the bathroom. 

Girl: How did you know?!?

Maybe I’m doing it on purpose so my kids can learn the codes as well. Like a second language. 

Me: Conner, I’m 10-12 to my car to find my wallet. 

Boy: I’m gonna 10-12 to the kitchen to get a snack. 

Me: Roger. 

Boy: I’m Conner. 

Me: No, I mean 10-4. 

Boy: You are making this stuff up. 

Sometimes I just feel like messing with them. 

Me: *eyeing my son* Seems we have a 925 here. 


Me: How did you know that 925 meant “suspicious person”? 

Boy: It does?!? I’m suspicious?!? 

I’m sure I’ll calm down soon and separate work and home. But for now, it’s kinda fun. 

Me: Hallie, can you write out your name for me? Henry, Adam, Lincoln, Lincoln, Ida, Edward

Girl: Mom, that’s super annoying. 


California Likes Big Balls and They Can Not Lie.

Unless you have been living under a giant rock, you are aware that the state of California has been in a major drought for several years. As a Californian, I can tell you that our news reports make it sound like there is no hope for our state and in a few short months we will all be too dehydrated to drive or fly to the other waterful states. 

Okay. That last part was a lie. However…

Things have been tough. We West Coast Dudes are under constant scrutiny regarding water rationing. People get pissed off over taking a measly shower unless we surround ourselves with buckets to fill up and water our lawns afterwards. I don’t have any buckets so I’m expecting the water police to come to my door any day now. 

Despite all this craziness, there are TONS of water savings tactics happening around here. Hearing a positive among all the grousing should be shouted to the heavens. Here’s one of the better ones because it involves our drinking water

photos courtesy of

California’s got balls. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. These plastic balls have been created to preserve the water in Ivanhoe reservoir. Directly from the LATimes article:

LA’s DWP started dumping thousands of floating plastic balls into Ivanhoe Reservoir — the dwarf sibling next door to Silver Lake Reservoir, the neighborhood’s crown jewel — to protect the drinking water supply needed for summer.

The water needs to be shaded because when sunlight mixes with the bromide and chlorine in Ivanhoe’s water, the carcinogen bromate forms, said Pankaj Parekh, DWP’s director for water quality compliance. Bromide is naturally present in groundwater and chlorine is used to kill bacteria, he said, but sunlight is the final ingredient in the potentially harmful mix.

The DWP drop was designed to stop the three from mingling in the 10-acre, 58-million-gallon Ivanhoe Reservoir. The 102-year-old facility serves about 600,000 customers downtown and in South Los Angeles.

This project started in 2008 and was completed yesterday. Not only will those little balls protect the water from a deadly chemical mix but it will decrease evaporation which will save millions of gallons of water. 

The plastic used is NSF safe and will not cause the same contamination as when you leave a plastic water bottle in the hot sun. The black plastic deflects the sun’s rays, it does not absorb them. 


photo courtesy of


photo courtesy of

To me, this is freaking exciting. I’m happy to have my tax money go toward a project like this one because of its long term effects. 

If you’d like to know more regarding this project, you can go to LAtimes and read up on the details. 

Now I can go around gloating to people that my state has way more balls than yours. 



What I Learned From Being Out Of Work for 4 Years.

When you go into a marriage with two incomes, you become accustomed to a certain way of living. Knowing that there’s two pay checks coming in may make your situation feel financially comfortable. 

Then it happens…one of those pay checks goes away. It sucks. It hurts. It could be for many reasons. My reason was a health related one and it certainly wasn’t planned and prepared for. But despite the why the new question is what’s next. 

For me, the what’s next was getting healthy and I did just that. Slowly. About four years of slowly. Luckily for me, I was able to manage working contract positions and getting paid for my writing while running from doc office to doc office. Even though there was money coming in, it didn’t compare to my previous full-time paycheck. We didn’t qualify for any help from the state (nor did I feel we could rightfully take that someone else who would need it more) And our family had to learn to make some changes pretty damn fast. 

  1. Hello to your money priorities. Pay for the house, utilities, and food. Not much else. Pay bills, buy food and be thankful for what you do have. 
  2. We are on a stiff budget. No more uneccessary necessities. I would nickel and diming each purchase, trying to figure out how to get the most out of the least. I learned to squeeze a penny. And make priorities I’ve never had to before. Paper towels? We have ripped up towels that can be used to clean up. 50% off meat in the butcher area? Yup, it can be turned into a freezer meal that we can eat during the thin part of the week. You make selections that you never have before. 
  3. It’s frustrating to decline invites because you don’t have the money for gas money to get there or a gift to give. It sucks. SUCKS!! Real friends understand and we tried to make other plans with our buddies after their parties and events to spend time and catch up. 
  4. You’ll teach your children a huge lesson on being money smart. My kids are now used to hearing “We are only going to the store for eggs this time.”  “We don’t have cash for the ice cream man this week.” After a while, my kids stopped asking for treats and started asking how they could help. They would have a lemonade stand outside to earn their own money. They would see that the money we earn had a priority first and if we could get a treat, we would try and do so. 
  5. I cried a lot. My depression would get very high and it would trigger me to have an outlet. I didn’t want my kids to see me sad so most of the time I wrote out my emotions. Unfortunately, the topic would be hateful, hurtful or angry so I almost never published my posts. It did help though. 
  6. I looked around and saw things we didn’t need. Our house had items that we could happily get rid of. We currently still have items for a tentative yard sale. Less stuff and some pocket cash for paying a bill. Or get more eggs. 
  7. I’m not above taking a job that would help my family out. Any. Job. I’ve met people who said taking a fast food job or a desk job is beneath them because of their degrees, work experience, age, ego, etc.

    A job that will provide for your family when times are tough is a job you take. Period. If you can physically handle the job, take the f*^%ing job!! 

    Lose the ego. 

  8. The work will come. It may be a while but don’t give up. I didn’t give up and now have two contract jobs and a part time position with the City of L.A.  I’ll still be writing, blogging, consulting, reviewing and the like because during these past four years, all that stuff kept me sane. It took a lot of resumes and phone interviews to get me here. 
  9. Old habits die pretty hard. I told myself that if I fell back into poor habits where I didn’t budget or plan ahead with our money, I’d be harming my kids’ futures and that is what will stick in my head.   Knowing that we could make things work when we are tight (How tight? $200 a month for food kinda tight) makes me not want to go back to that. But it taught me that we could do it if necessary. 

If you were in a situation similar to mine, how did you/would you handle it? Would you try your best to make it work? Take a job your normally wouldn’t? Make changes in your housing? Tell me. 


When Even a Frog and a Pig Can’t Seem To Work It Out

I’m devastated. Simply. Utterly. Beyond repair. 

The couple that I based my entire love life on and looked up to as inspiration for my own relationships is saying farewell to one another. 

*Sob* I’m sorry. I need a moment…

sniff… When you are young and hopelessly romantic, you grow up idolizing couples that seem to have it all together. In this case, somewhat together. Let’s face it, Kermit and Miss Piggy were never the perfect duet. 


The words that broke many hearts today came from Twitter. I mean, how can the rest of us go on?!?  Those of us that have held on through swamps to Manhattan. Adventures in Hollywood, Paris, Russia… So many bumps in the road but through it all, Kermie and Piggy have managed to fall in love all over again. And again. And again. So, WHHHHHYYYYY?!?

Hope. I know there’s gotta be hope. 

Maybe it’s just a PR stunt (We know they have a new show coming up to the ABC network soon) Maybe Kermit had enough of Piggy narcissism. Maybe Piggy finally got hungry for frog legs. Who knows?!? 

All I know is that I’m grateful that my kids don’t feel the pain I feel. Their experience with the Muppets and their movies, TV shows and all over general presence is minimal compared to myself. May they never know this kind of hearthurt. 

When Muppets break up: there are no words.