What To Expect When Preparing For a Colonoscopy

As you are reading this, I’m probably going through the worst part of a colonoscopy…

The preparation.

What most people fear about this procedure is the actual doing it. Thinking about having a foreign object heading up your rear can make anyone feel…well, violated. But nowadays, you don’t feel anything because you are in your twilight sleep. Believe me, the doing part is a piece of cake (oooo….cake) compared to the getting ready for it part.

Now, bear with me. I’m lightheaded from lack of coffee and solid foods. *sips more Gatorade* 

First of all, let’s go into the facts about Mr Camera Snake…

The medical expectation in regards to needing a colonoscopy according to WedMD is to:

Check for colorectal cancer or polyps.

This test is recommended by the American Cancer Society (ACS), the American College of Gastroenterologists (ACG), the American Gastroenterological Association (AGA), and the U.S. Preventive Services Task Force (USPSTF).

These groups recommend routine testing for people age 50 and older who have a normal risk for colorectal cancer.

Your doctor may recommend you have one earlier and more frequently if your medical history requires it. 

That last part you read there…. yeah, that’s me. Due to pain in my side and back, it was the next step to find out why I was in pain. The first time I had to have one, I was scared shitless. Oh the irony. I didn’t know what to expect and where to look to find out what to expect. Hence the reason for writing this post. I wish I had someone giving me a personal rundown from start to finish. So, dear reader, this is my gift to you.

What to Expect When Expecting a Camera Snake To Be Shoved Up Your Bum for Medical Purposes.

CONGRATULATIONS!! You got the news from your doctor. It’s time. The date for your procedure is set and you’ve been given a list of stuff to do. This will include items to purchase for you to consume and a list of Things you absolutely can not eat or drink the day prior

  I’m really sorry to tell you this but you may not, can not have coffee. You can not eat solid foods. For breakfast, lunch and dinner you can have one or more of these delicious choices:

  • Clear broth
  • Ice Popsicles 
  • Clear soda
  • Yellow or green Jell-O (no fruit added)
  • Gatorade
  • Yummy delicious water

Nothing you intake may be red, blue or purple. And no, you may not have any alcohol although you will kinda wish you could. 

This is the day before your procedure. Nothing much to eat or drink. And as if that wasn’t bad enough, you need to start the real prep around mid afternoon. Yes, the fun begins… It’s time to make your “poop juice”. Luckily, this concoction has improved over the years. What used to be a pre-made, salty, gross elixir that will make you want to brush your teeth every 5 minutes is now a “pick your favorite flavor Gatorade” (no red, blue or purple) and mix some laxative in it. I have found that its more tolerable cold. It’s also more tolerable with a silly straw.  Seriously, it could be worse. Much worse. 

some stuff you need

 

You will now proceed to drink the “poop juice” and clean out your body of all waste. Once you start drinking said juice, you need to be at least 3 feet from a bathroom for the remainder of the day. Your actions will go like this: 

  • Drink liquid
  • Use restroom
  • Repeat 1000x 

Do not start a movie unless you are prepared to pause it several times. Don’t start a new series on Netflix. Now’s not the time. Get someone to watch your kids if possible. This will be your life for the next several hours. Really. Don’t try to do anything else. You aren’t going to make dinner. You aren’t going to do laundry. Seriously. 

Just drink, evacuate bowels and repeat. 

And by morning, the worse part will be over. The next day with an empty stomach and bladder, you will head to your medical facility, strip down to nothing but a robe that opens in back oh…breezy…. and a nice person will put you under for anywhere between one to three hours. While in dreamland, Mr Camera Snake will do his job and you are none the wiser. 

You will wake up and be required to fart. A lot. And fart some more. There is an amount of passing gas that is needed for your release. Once that’s done, you go home. 

That’s it. Now, was that so scary? Trust me, you are not the only one that feels fearful the first time you have this done. No one wants to do it but sooner or later it will be a requirement. Also, remember all that medical mumbojumbo I put in the beginning of this post? The takeaway from that is this:   “Checking for cancer”. Right there is your reason to have this done. 

Having something invade your derrière is not ideal. Having cancer would suck a million times more. And now you know what to expect so there’s no reason to be afraid anymore. 

Ta-da!

t.r.m. 

Blogger’s note: I’m not a medical professional and I’m not claiming to be one. The preparation for a colonoscopy may vary from doctor to doctor but I’m told it’s pretty much the same. When in doubt, ASK QUESTIONS!! Your doctor should explain everything prior to your procedure but ask ask ask!! And by the way, I’m proud of you for getting it done.

#fuckcoloncancer 

The Best Banana Bread Ever Created

  

My grandmother is rolling in her grave right now but I have to say it…

This recipe is the all-time BEST recipe for banana bread that I’ve ever tasted. Ever. It tastes as close to the banana bread that is sold at Starbucks, but better. You can modify this recipe to your liking. My favorite add-ins are nuts and chocolate chips. I rarely use both because the chocolate will lengthen the time cooked and the nuts will dry out the texture. At least, those are the results I got when I added nuts AND chocolate so I recommend you pick one or the other.

This bread keeps its moisture well and it AWESOME the day after. Keep the leftovers wrapped or in an airtight plastic container. It will also freeze well for about a month. I cut a slice and will top it with real butter and warm it for about 7 secs in the microwave. If I serve it at a party, I’ll rewarm the whole thing wrapped in foil for 15 minutes in 200 degree oven.

 

because you probably have this many bananas in your freezer too

 

I “soured” my milk with lemon juice and a bit of time for it to curdle

 

whisking the eggs, vanilla and oil

 

the flour, salt, sugar and baking soda pre-stir and sift.

The Best Banana Bread Ever Created
Serves 8
The most incredible recipe for moist banana bread that I've ever tasted. (sorry, Grandma)
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Prep Time
25 min
Cook Time
1 hr
Prep Time
25 min
Cook Time
1 hr
508 calories
69 g
47 g
24 g
7 g
2 g
157 g
412 g
44 g
0 g
21 g
Nutrition Facts
Serving Size
157g
Servings
8
Amount Per Serving
Calories 508
Calories from Fat 208
% Daily Value *
Total Fat 24g
37%
Saturated Fat 2g
11%
Trans Fat 0g
Polyunsaturated Fat 9g
Monounsaturated Fat 12g
Cholesterol 47mg
16%
Sodium 412mg
17%
Total Carbohydrates 69g
23%
Dietary Fiber 2g
9%
Sugars 44g
Protein 7g
Vitamin A
2%
Vitamin C
4%
Calcium
5%
Iron
6%
* Percent Daily Values are based on a 2,000 calorie diet. Your Daily Values may be higher or lower depending on your calorie needs.
Ingredients
  1. 1 1/4 cup ripe bananas, mashed
  2. 1 teaspoon lemon juice
  3. 1 3/4 cup flour
  4. 1 cup sugar
  5. 1 1/2 teaspoons baking soda
  6. 1/2 teaspoon salt
  7. 1/2 cup brown sugar, packed
  8. 2 eggs
  9. 1/3 cup milk (add 1 tbsp of lemon juice to "sour")
  10. 1/4 cup oil
  11. 2 teaspoons vanilla extract
  12. 1 cup chopped walnuts or chocolate chips, optional
  13. (the original recipe calls for 1/4 cup of apple sauce but I omitted it. It's up to you if you want to add it but I think the bananas and oil give plenty of moisture and apple sauce just extends the cooking time)
Instructions
  1. 1. Preheat oven to 340 degrees and prep a loaf pan by greasing it.
  2. 2. In a small bowl, use a fork to finely mash bananas (I used 3). Stir in lemon juice and set aside.
  3. 3. In a large bowl, sift flour, sugar, baking soda and salt together. Stir in brown sugar.
  4. 4. In another bowl, use a whisk to combine eggs, buttermilk, oil, applesauce and vanilla extract.
  5. 5. Pour your liquid ingredients and mashed bananas into the dry ingredients. Use a wooden spoon to stir JUST UNTIL COMBINED.
  6. 6. Fold in walnuts or chocolate chips carefully.
  7. 7. Pour batter into prepped loaf pan. (If you want, cut a piece of parchment paper to fit the pan, but leave enough to come up over the edges. Once your bread is baked and cooled, you can lift those pieces of parchment paper to easily remove the bread. See photo)
  8. 8. Bake bread for about 1 hour. Check the done-ness of your bread by sticking a toothpick or knife into the center. It should come out clean. If it isn't, leave the bread in for more time.
  9. 9. Let cool in pan. As always, banana bread is better the next day. Enjoy!
Notes
  1. NOTE: DO NOT USE A BEATER OR MIXER FOR THIS RECIPE. The key to this bread is mixing until it has just combined. Over-mixing will result in a heavy and chewy batter that will come out drier than the original.
beta
calories
508
fat
24g
protein
7g
carbs
69g
more
Adapted from modified by The Robot Mommy
the robot mommy http://therobotmommy.com/
 I doubled this recipe and it resulted in two loaves and a dozen muffins. I kept the 340 degree temp in the oven but the muffins I set for about 30 mins and kept an eye out. They are done when brown around the edges and a toothpick will come out clean.

 


              This bread is heavenly. You must give it a try!!

   

t.r.m.

The recipe was all of the Your Cup Of Cake‘s genius. All credit goes to her. All photos are my own.

What Goes Through My Mommy Brain Daily. 

I’m too hard on my kids. 

I’m not hard enough. 

They deserve more than I can provide. 

My kids have more than I ever did when I was their age. 

When I was a child, things seem so much easier. 

My kids are lucky they never have to deal with all the problems I had. 

I should let them have more treats with all the good eating habits they have. 

My kids are eating way too much sugar lately. 

Are my kids polite enough?

Wow, I’m really impressed with the way they behaved tonight. 

My children have some of the best buddies ever! They are truly lucky. 

Man, I wish my kids would treat their friends nicer!

Okay, they are watching way too much TV lately!

Can you guys just chill out and watch a movie or something quietly?!? 

It’s amazing how focused my son is with his drawing. 

If only my boy would stop wiggling aroundand stay focused for one second!!

My kids aren’t eating enough lately. 

Geez, those kids ate us out of the house this week!!

Thank goodness they have their father’s personality. 

I wish they didn’t inherit my stupid anxiety and fears. 

Am I good mom?

Will they always love me?

Sometimes I feel like I got this parenting thing down!

I am the crappiest mother that ever lived. 

Tomorrow will be a better day. 

Watching them sleep so peacefully is one of my favorite things. 

I’m not perfect. 

My kids aren’t perfect. 

My life is perfect

t.r.m. 

“Hey There, I’m Just Pooping”

Forever ago, my kids initiated me as a parent. There were shouts in public places that I couldn’t control. There were moments where swear words became part of my child’s introduction. However, it has been many moons since either one of them have done something initiat-ish. 

Here I thought I was safe. I prematurely believed that the days where my kids shouted out to people things that I found embarrassing were over. It was almost my time to start embarrassing them like when I drop them off at middle school in a full bear suit because they didn’t put their electronics away when I asked. I was ready for my time.

And then the girl threw me a curveball. 

We were at a local eatery that was supporting my son’s school. The fundraiser was in the late afternoon to early evening and there was fear that it wouldn’t be a big turn out. As the final hour creeped up, more parents and their kids shuffled in, much to the delight of my children. So imagine a pretty quiet eatery on minute and a half-full place the next. All parents and kids of my son’s school. 

We got our order and had laid their food out for our kids but they had decided to abandon us for the parents of other children. We didn’t even bother fighting them. My husband just grabbed their food and placed it in their new seats. The next half-hour consisted of “Please eat!” and “Will you sit down in your seat, please?” and other quiet yet firm comments with hissy-whispery voices. 

But before anyone can eat, one must use the facilities. 

First, my son announces his need to number 2 and then his friend joined his poop wagon. Luckily, his friend’s parent (that we know well and trust) was willing to take both boys to the men’s room. 

Not to be out done, my feisty and sociable 4 year old lady pulls on my arm and without a word, drags me to the women’s room. 

This is no quickie trip as I was wishing for because having a hot dinner is always a fleeting hope…this was another trip on the poop wagon. 
As far as I can see, it’s only us in this two stall restroom. So the following bellows only fell on my ears: 

Things are sticky!

Hold on, it’s pretty squishy here. I mean, my butt stuff.

I’ll be done when I’m finished! 

Then suddenly, the sound of the door. I thought maybe she would hear it and choose to “fake whisper” like she has before. But this time she saw an opportunity.

Hi there, whoever you are!! I’m just pooping. 

…then silence…

She wasn’t done yet…

Mom, why does toilet begin with “toy”? 

With that, I lost it. Seeing the laughter her words caused she broke out in a guffaw that would revile a grown-ass woman. 
“Okay, we gotta go!”

I wiped, I swiped, we flushed, we washed. 

I scooted her boot outta there while shaking my head. Who knows if that other person was another parent or just another patron. I hoped that maybe they were an understanding parent or auntie. Maybe a grandma. Guaranteed that had a story to tell whomever would listen. 

And since I know you are dying to know, no, my food wasn’t hot when I got back to the table. 

t.r.m.  

 

all free clear Will Save Our Family’s Sensitive Skin #FreeToBe

My poor kids. They got my husband’s good looks and my very sensitive skin. Our laundry detergent choices have always been fragrance free, for sensitive skin and/or perfume free because any detergent without these exemptions would require week long oatmeal baths. And those are not fun.

So, I jumped, no…sprinted at the chance to try the all free clear laundry detergent because it had all the stuff I wanted and none of the things I didn’t want.

  
 all free clear is the #1 recommended detergent brand by Dermatologists, Allergists, and Pediatricians for sensitive skin. It’s tough on stains yet gentle enough for the whole family. Plus, it’s safe for use in standard and HE machines. It rinses clean and has a gentle, hypoallergenic formula. Powerful Clean. Gentle on Skin.

all free clear is also 100% hypoallergenic.

I put it to the test and my results were BETTER that what I expected. Since I chose the “mighty pacs” I used only one pac per load rather than my normal pre-soak and pre-treat then use a cup of liquid. Let’s just put it this way: MY SON’S UNDERWEAR LOOKED BETTER THAN THEY DID BRAND NEW!!

So, clean clothes and no worries about my children’s skin?? Without pre-treating?? Still not convinced? How about these facts about all free clear:

• all® free clear detergent (liquid and mighty pacs), fabric softener and dryer sheets have received the National Eczema Association (NEA) Seal of Acceptance™.
• Products with the NEA Seal of Acceptance™ are those that avoid certain chemicals, dyes, perfumes and residues that are known to be unsuitable for use by persons with eczema or a sensitive skin condition.
• all free clear has only 9 ingredients, that’s less than half the ingredients of Tide Free & Gentle

Note: Other laundry detergents on the market also meet the NEA Seal of Acceptance.

To be honest, I tried many detergents on the market and I keep switching up because my clothes aren’t clean enough or I’m re-washing to get out stains. I’m really too busy to be spending hours on one load of laundry. Thanks to my two messy kids and the fact that my husband and I work out, the amount of laundry I do during the week has doubled, if not, tripled!  Trust me when I say I was thrilled with this product. This busy mom gained some time to do things that I want to do! Thank you all free clear!!

t.r.m.

 

 

Blogger’s Note: Please keep all laundry items away from children.