“Mommy! Duck!”- The Toddler Chronicles

These posts are part of my toddler chronicles series. They are short and sweet and hopefully give my new readers a taste of how crazy, yet surprisingly calm,my kids really are. 



CP is having a challenging time with this “3 years old” nonsense.

Considering the giant, blowout tantrum that my toddler had in the morning, BEGGING us not to send him to daycare, I was surprised how quickly he adjusted after pick up and once he was in the car…

The controlling part of him replaced the mad-at-mommy-yet-doesn’t-want-her-to-leave-EVER-AGAIN part as I buckled him into his car seat.

“Mommy. You are Princess Peach. I’m Mario.”

My son’s obsession with anything affiliated with Super Mario Bros is both annoying and hilarious. Annoying because he chooses to bounce his figures on our heads as if we were the Goombas (walking, grumpy mushrooms) and Koopas ( upright, indifferent turtles ).
Hilarious because, well, he’s freaking hilarious. Annoyingly hilarious.

Why can’t they just call them mushrooms and turtles?!?

Back to what I was saying. As we drove to daycare, we pass several overpasses that CP calls “bridges”. He is convinced, thanks to his Daddy, that these bridges will hit him in the head as we drive our car pass underneath.

“Mommy! I mean, Princess!!! Duck!!”

“Robots don’t need to duck. My head is too strong.”

“No, it’s not, Princess! You are Princess!!

“Yes, Mario?”

“Did you hit your head?”

Rolling my eyes, “Yes.”

“You’re right. You should just be a robot.”




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Know-It-Alls, Selfies and Words That Stay With You. 

I don’t even bother asking my kids what they want to watch on Netflix OR tell them when something new is streaming. 

They already know. 
For example: My daughter came home from school and told me FIRST THING that Zootopia was on Netflix. 

Mom, you know Zootopia is on Netflix, right? EVERYONE knows at school. <cue eye roll> 

Of course, they do. 

Kids talk. In fact, I hear more stories about Netflix from the kindergarten class that I volunteer in than any adult I talk to! 

And they ALL know that Disney is now on Netflix. 

I don’t know if you and your family have seen Zootopia or not but it’s a must see. It has all the elements of a Disney classic: fun characters, amazing animation, memorable quotes…

Life isn’t some cartoon musical where you sing a little song and all your insipid dreams magically come true. So let it go.” 

– Chief Bogo to Judy Hopps. 

But the message, ohhh the message, is one that kids and adults will carry with them. It’s an important one. 

The other thing that kids love, like our buddies Hopps and Wilde, is SELFIES!!! 

Photo courtesy of Disney

It seems only necessary to share our selfies like this one:

deer filter by Snapchat

Mom, you work with Netflix. Why didn’t you know that Zootopia was on??

Actually, I did know. But now it’s fun to watch my kids “discover” what is streaming. They get so excited so I know Netflix is bringing to Disney joy to my house!! 

Looks like it’s time to schedule another movie night! 


Blogger’s Note: I write, review and recommend all the awesomeness that is Netflix via their Stream Team. Who doesn’t love Disney movies?!? Thank goodness Netflix teamed up with Disney. It’s like having the theme park in my living room without the temptation of churros. 


Don’t Worry, Brock. Your Punishment is Coming.

You. A rapist freed from jail after 3 months of a 6 months “sentence”. 

Is there anything more disappointing?

Not really. Especially not for the lady that you raped. She’s still trying to live a somewhat normal life after you destroyed it with your 20 minutes of action. 

But, you know what Brock, you are out of jail now so it’s time for your real punishment. I don’t mean your probation. I mean your life sentence in the eyes of the world. 

You shall never have a normal life again. You may have a place to live now and food on your table but your world is no longer in your control. You’ll be hunted down. And when I say hunted I mean both physically and verbally. People will try to kill you with their words. Heaven forbid you try to leave your home. There are a lot of pissed off people that want blood. Your blood.

So, you better get ready to skip out of town at a moment’s notice. I’m sure a petition has been circling to get your family kicked out of your current neighborhood because No one wants to live near a rapist. 

What about your future? Shit, you don’t have a future. 

Your schooling? Probably not gonna happen unless…Nope, probably not going to happen. 

A job? Not unless you change your name, social security number and have a complete plastic surgery makeover. Even an online one will require personal info. 

Girlfriend?? Oh please. No one is gonna fuck you. Ever. 

You’ll live with your parents until they die. You’ll become a hermit. It’s a good thing you can order food and toilet paper online. You might want to stock up. 

As for your victim, she’ll be unfairly punished for the rest of her life as well only her punishment isn’t room and board on the government’s dime. 

Her punishment is living constant fear and reliving that night in her mind forever. 

She didn’t do anything but briefly engage with you. If she “teased” you, so what?? If she “tempted” you, so WHAT? If she looked in your general direction, she STILL did not deserve her punishment. What she deserved was justice and she was punished by the judge. And her sentence is for life, you son of a bitch. 

Are you fucking hearing me right now?!? 

So, this is your punishment, your sentence. A life that is not a life at all. No freedom, no peace, deemed the most hated individual on the planet. AND IT IS STILL NOT ENOUGH. 

As for us, the women of the world, we will be standing outside your door with pitchforks. Watching your every move, protecting our young daughters from you and other entitled assholes like you. 

You may not be able to see us but I promise you, we are there and we won’t be leaving anytime soon. 


The Next Netflix Show You Should Binge Watch is…

Lists are fun. Personality tests are also kinda fun. What if I told you that I could pick the next great Binge-worthy show based on just a few personality traits? Even though the extent of my knowledge in psychology is only based on a couple classes in college and a BuzzFeed test, I think I could really help you…find the next show to watch. 
Let’s say you are an outgoing person. Loud. Funny. Loudly Funny. You like being the center of attention. You like making your presence known. You are kinda quirky.

If this is you, your next show(s) should be this

Let’s say that while reading this post you need a fix. Tequila, a smoke, something stronger…I’m not here to judge. I’m just here to give you what you need. Something like this.

Let’s say you are my daughter….Boom
You’re an 80’s kid deep down in your soul, right?
You have a lot of secrets, don’t you?
You could be my mother.
You are definitely not my mother.

In conclusion, there is a show on Netflix that matches your personality type. 

Trust me.


The Best Kid Shows on Netflix (according to my daughter)

Mom, did you see Word Party? 

Mom, I want to watch Word Party!

Mom!! Word Party!! 

Once my daughter finds a show she likes, I hear about it…

Over and over and over and over and…

The Jim Henson creative team is behind this animated gem

This month, Hallie has been obsessed withthese shows:

  • Canimals
  • Word Party
  • Bo on the Go (She has rediscovered this one)

    Kawaii overload

But the one I really want her to get into is the new Beat Bugs. A cute, new animated series that uses Beatles songs as its inspiration. The group of bug friends have adventures in an overgrown garden. Songs like “Strawberry Fields” and “Eleanor Rigby” are among the songs that your kids will hear and enjoy! 
I’m not a huge Beatles fan myself but I can respect the cultural impact the iconic group and their music made in our society. I think it’s pretty important for my kids to get to know the songs by The Beatles and other famous bands and singers. 

So, the plan is to start watching ASAP. Maybe we’ll get some Beatles earworms stuck in our heads. 

Have you found a kid show on Netflix that you love? I want to know about it!


Blogger’s Note: Our family watches Netflix more than we eat crackers. And we love crackers. So, it’s a joy to continue watching and reviewing for Netflix. Plus, Netflix is calorie-free.