Please Be My Babies Again (but Just During the Holidays)


It’s the first week of December and my mommy heart is already in a state of longing. 

That longing parents feel for those days when our kids use to be those little, bright-eyed, completely innocent vessels that would see all things Christmasy and become awestruck. But being 6 and 8 years old makes them susceptible to all the holiday tricks: 

  • Santa is really your parents
  •  That elf is just a toy your mom moves at night
  • Candy canes don’t grow out of gardens of sugar and tic Tacs. 

Last year, my son was so livid that I “made” him believe that candy canes could actually grow. I mean, he was pissed. He wouldn’t talk to me. I knew at that moment that it was a glimpse of my façade’s end.  No amount of backpedaling and “but I’m your parent and that’s what parents do for their kids!” was going repair that moment of deception. 

Santa, this mommy wants a time machine for Christmas. 

Things are not a total loss though. For now, they do still believe in Santa and that elf watching them behave. That is until one of their friends 

In the meantime, I can drown my hidden sorrows in egg nog and binge Netflix. I’ll watch movies that will help me hold on to that Christmas magic a bit longer. On my list this week: 

  • Scrooged 
  • Love Actually
  • A Very Murray Christmas

Even if my kids are on the brink of being unbelievers, I don’t have to give up my superfluous holiday routine. They’ll be seeing that elf move until they move out of the house if I have away in the matter. 

t.r.m. 

Blogger’s Note: This is only a small selection of holiday shows for your viewing pleasure on Netflix. Stay tuned next month to see if my kids are still slightly awestruck and Christmas is saved for one more year. 

Stick to the Thanksgiving Basics, Fancy Pants.

It was one rookie mistake after another yesterday. 

My husband and I hosted Thanksgiving again. This is our third (fourth?) year and each time we want it to be personal and special. 

Personal: Unique

Special: Not a totally fuck up.

Our “personal” contribution is how we attempt to cook the turkey. Brine or no brine. Whole vs cut up. One year, we decided on a whole bird named Percy thanks Conner that was stuffed with herbs, citrus and onions. It did not burn up into flames and was incredibly edible. I think I cried when it came out of the oven because not 22 days prior to this spectacle, I had given birth to my baby girl. It was a very emotional moment for me. Like giving birth to twins…22 days apart. 

Other years, including this one, we decided to cut the turkey into pieces. 

Not have a butcher do it, WE decided to cut it up. Or I should say, my hubby did it. With my garden clippers. 

From what I remember, the first time Michael “butchered” the bird, all went well. 

However, we forgot one minor detail, the timing it takes to cook a chopped up turkey. 

For future reference, cut up turkeys cook faster.

But, again, things worked out just fine and somehow we always forget this. 

Since we are a couple of idiots and never take notes from previous years and don’t take into consideration that our oven is NEVER at the exact temperature it displays on the panel, we are in extreme panic mode from the moment I push that fowl into our inconsistent heat source to the moment when that plastic red dohickey stuck in the breast meat goes pop! 

The rest of the meal is not unique or fabulous in any way. It is just plain ol’ tradition. The required sides that support our main meal are as follows:

  • Mashed potatoes. Standard, not fancy. 
  • Stuffing. Stouffer’s or nothing. 
  • Green Bean Casserole. Essential 
  • Marshmallow Covered Yams. 
  • Gravy. 
  • Bread and Butter Pickles.
  • Black Olives. 

If any or all of these items are missing, Thanksgiving is ruined for everyone. Because it’ll be ruined for me and I’ll be unbearable to be around. 

Now, here’s where the “special” part comes in. I always get a bug up my kester to make something from scratch. 

Homemade yeast rolls! Yay!!

 Oh but I forgot about my rising dough, left it overnight out on the counter and it stopped being roll-worthy. Fail #1

We purchased pies to save time but my daughter wanted to make a pumpkin pie because she’s awesome and loves to bake like her mama. I got all the fixings out for 2 pies and somewhere between her cracking eggs, her mixing the filling in the bowl without spilling on the sides and cutting out adorable pie crust leaves, I forgot something pretty important: sugar

 

She was pretty bummed that no one was eating her creation until she tasted it herself. Good going, motherbaker. (HUGE EPIC BAKING) Fail #2

I should never, ever try to be fancy

Despite my attempts at kitchen greatness, the rest of the food came out well and good and by good, I mean edible although slightly cold but we have a microwave so whatever. 

Here’s my advice:

Thanksgiving food doesn’t have to be that personal. Unless it’s your grandmother’s /aunt’s / mother’s family recipe

People should be able to eat it. 

Don’t try to be fancy. You’ll probably just fuck it up.

t.r.m. 


Pausing For Candy Distribution

Halloween falls on a weekday this year and since I have younger monsters at home, our trick-or-treating time will be limited to only a few hours. Rightfully so as we really only need an hour to fill up their bags of candy for Daddy and me…er…them. 

For future reference, I’m a Skittles, Kit Kat, Swedish Fish kinda girl. Daddy will take your peanut butter and chocolate or mint chocolate anything candy.

So, we will get home tonight after filling our treat containers and while the kids go through their haul, I’ll go find something we can watch as a family. My current choices are:

  • E.T. (Halloween scene)
  • Goosebumps
  • Fantasia (Not really Halloween-ish but my kids haven’t seen it yet)
  • Hotel Transylvania 2

Probably no Walking Dead just yet. 

I’m assuming the candy sorting will keep them occupied for a while so the movie will be all me, maybe Daddy if he isn’t busy working in his office. And I just know as soon as I get cozy with my Pikachu PJs and my hot toddy, the knocking will start…and won’t stop. 

Normally, we will limit the candy distribution to 9pm because my kids need their sleep but if they are in their beds AND it’s only knocking because the doorbell doesn’t work AND I still have candy, maybe just maybe, I’ll be nice and go to the door.

I assume that this will be my evening: Sit, sip, KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK, get up, TRICK-OR-TREAT!!, pass out candy minus my Almond Joys, close door, sit down for 5 mins and repeat. 

Netflix was smart when they thought of this:

 

Next year, kiddos. Next year.

Wish me luck!

t.r.m. 
 

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Blogger’s Note: 

Boo!

Happy Halloween from me and the AWESOME people at Netflix. 

Keep screaming…er…streaming!

 

 

 

“Mommy! Duck!”- The Toddler Chronicles

These posts are part of my toddler chronicles series. They are short and sweet and hopefully give my new readers a taste of how crazy, yet surprisingly calm,my kids really are. 

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CP is having a challenging time with this “3 years old” nonsense.

Considering the giant, blowout tantrum that my toddler had in the morning, BEGGING us not to send him to daycare, I was surprised how quickly he adjusted after pick up and once he was in the car…

The controlling part of him replaced the mad-at-mommy-yet-doesn’t-want-her-to-leave-EVER-AGAIN part as I buckled him into his car seat.

“Mommy. You are Princess Peach. I’m Mario.”

Awesome.
My son’s obsession with anything affiliated with Super Mario Bros is both annoying and hilarious. Annoying because he chooses to bounce his figures on our heads as if we were the Goombas (walking, grumpy mushrooms) and Koopas ( upright, indifferent turtles ).
Hilarious because, well, he’s freaking hilarious. Annoyingly hilarious.

Why can’t they just call them mushrooms and turtles?!?

Back to what I was saying. As we drove to daycare, we pass several overpasses that CP calls “bridges”. He is convinced, thanks to his Daddy, that these bridges will hit him in the head as we drive our car pass underneath.

“Mommy! I mean, Princess!!! Duck!!”

“Robots don’t need to duck. My head is too strong.”

“No, it’s not, Princess! You are Princess!!
…….Princess?”

“Yes, Mario?”

“Did you hit your head?”

Rolling my eyes, “Yes.”

“You’re right. You should just be a robot.”

 

t.r.m. 

 

Pin It

Know-It-Alls, Selfies and Words That Stay With You. 

I don’t even bother asking my kids what they want to watch on Netflix OR tell them when something new is streaming. 

They already know. 
For example: My daughter came home from school and told me FIRST THING that Zootopia was on Netflix. 

Mom, you know Zootopia is on Netflix, right? EVERYONE knows at school. <cue eye roll> 

Of course, they do. 

Kids talk. In fact, I hear more stories about Netflix from the kindergarten class that I volunteer in than any adult I talk to! 

And they ALL know that Disney is now on Netflix. 

I don’t know if you and your family have seen Zootopia or not but it’s a must see. It has all the elements of a Disney classic: fun characters, amazing animation, memorable quotes…

Life isn’t some cartoon musical where you sing a little song and all your insipid dreams magically come true. So let it go.” 

– Chief Bogo to Judy Hopps. 

But the message, ohhh the message, is one that kids and adults will carry with them. It’s an important one. 

The other thing that kids love, like our buddies Hopps and Wilde, is SELFIES!!! 

Photo courtesy of Disney

It seems only necessary to share our selfies like this one:

deer filter by Snapchat

Mom, you work with Netflix. Why didn’t you know that Zootopia was on??

Actually, I did know. But now it’s fun to watch my kids “discover” what is streaming. They get so excited so I know Netflix is bringing to Disney joy to my house!! 

Looks like it’s time to schedule another movie night! 

t.r.m. 

Blogger’s Note: I write, review and recommend all the awesomeness that is Netflix via their Stream Team. Who doesn’t love Disney movies?!? Thank goodness Netflix teamed up with Disney. It’s like having the theme park in my living room without the temptation of churros. 

Mmmmm….churros….